I have been listening to a lot of Counting Crows lately. You may remember them as the band whose lead singer has white-boy dreads and shakes up and down like an epileptic whilst vocalizing his sappy lyrics a la Mr. Jones. Or you may recognize them because of Courtney Cox. She was in their video for the ostensible, not-quite-on-target (”maybe this year will be better than the last”) High School prom anthem “Long December”. Either way, I have reclaimed their discography on my iPod; they’re in heavy rotation with a focus on “Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby”, “Goodnight Elizabeth”, and “Have You Seen Me Lateley?” whose opening line, “Get away from me, stay away from me - this isn’t gonna be easy. I don’t need you - believe me.” has hit close to what Rant Casey would have called “home”.
Though I’ve pointed it out to friends before, and may have even done so on this blog - I am not motivated at this particular moment to fact check. The artist making the rounds on my iPod is indicative of my mood. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I tend to focus on one artist at a time with the occassional smattering of variety as if to secretly convey hints of a shift. The cipher isn’t remarkably complicated but it is accurate. As I recall, Sad J was the first to point it out.
Counting Crows, Billy Joel, REM: Forlorn and Lamenting. Though I can’t listen to “Electrolite” anymore, REM still pushes and pulls me between the notion that it’ll be alright and the fact that it’s not. In the words of John Bender, “B-O-O, H-O-O.”
Pearl Jam: Depends. Am I skipping ”Comeback” and heading straight to “Gone”? Or am I flipping on “Big Wave” with a “Greivance” chaser? Either way with Pearl Jam the devil is in the details.
Tenacious D, Sublime, or Green Day: Jovial. Rock the punk reggae beats. Between songs about a super hero named “Wonderboy” and the frabba-dabba vocal stylings of Billy Joe Armstrong they’re toe-tappers.
Dave Matthews Band: Depends. Mostly jovial, but occassionally forlorn. “Stay” and all of “Under the Table and Dreaming” with the exception of “Rhyme and Reason” are all cause for dancing. Don’t touch the new stuff though save for “Louisiana Bayou” and “Joy Ride”.
Our Lady Peace: Strictly introspective. I don’t often run a straight mix of the ragin’ Canadiens. Does that rhyme or is that a barely-rhyme? “4am”, “Thief”, “Picture”. These Yukon mutts turn me on myself.
The Boss, Bob Dylan, or the Who: Reminiscent or the word opposite of “eclectic”. I wasn’t around when these guys were lighting up the stage. Born in late 1979, I have nary a classic rock icon to call my own.
Live: Inspired. Only a corpse would find no inspiration in “Dolphin’s Cry”. And frankly, I find it difficult to pass on “They Stood Up for Love” even when it’s time to put down the iPod.
As any gremmie can see, I clearly have a narrow array of emotions. Inspired, jovial, forlorn. It’s like a game of Simon, only there are 3 buttons instead of four and I don’t mock you for not remembering the pattern of blinking lights. I am however made by Milton Bradley.
I picked up a copy of Chuck Palahniuk’s latest, Rant: An Oral History of Buster Casey the day it was released. I can’t get past page 106. True to form the book is littered with references to bizzare bodily functions and moral depravities. The story is told like Kerouac’s Visions of Cody, as an stream of short first person narratives as told by the characters in the eponymous’ life. As far in as page 106 you never hear a word from Rant because he’s dead; though I suspect that will change. I may never get there though because I haven’t been able to get past the boredom associated with what will someday be called “Palahnitis“. You know, Chuck Palahniuk + the “itis”. It’s not as clever on paper. You see, once you’ve read one Palahniuk book, you’ve read them all. The morally bent characters with delusions of grandeure are a fixture that become rusty real quick. If anything though I suggest all you gremmies pick up Haunted and Lullaby. Ironically I still haven’t read his most famous, Fight Club.
Two years ago I overspent on a svelte Dell LCD TV. It was a 26 inch beast I used as both a TV and a computer monitor. 1 month ago it crapped out on me. Lucky for me I have an extended warranty. It should be noted that when you buy a TV from Dell you need the longest warranty legally allowed. If they’re offering 4 years, ask for five. Anyway, I called tech support for a replacement and they sent me another 26 inch model (refurbished). 2 days later *poof!* not working. Refurbished may as well mean ‘junk’. So I call and complain in a civil tone. I convince them to send me a 32 inch model because as a modern American I know that bigger is better right?. I got it about a week ago. 3 days in the thing won’t turn on and when it does I find out the screen freezes when I plug in my PS2. Dell: The Pinnacle of Quality.
I call Dell. You can imagine my tone changed from civil to rancorous quickly. I’m on the phone for two hours during which my little brother Peter is egging me on to tear off the guy’s head. The Dell guy is polite, so I try to contain my earned animosity. As a replacement he offers me another of the same TV and a gift certificate for $250, and if not that then a full refund. I laughed this off and told him I would still only have an 80 lb. paper weight and $250. He goes and checks again. Says he can offer me a Dell 30 inch monitor. Now, I’m not very bright but as I understand it 30 inches is actually smaller than 32 inches. I’m insulted. I feel like the guy just put his hand up my ass then faked a reach around. I tell the guy he has to do better than that because I have been through 3 crap TV’s and the stockpile of “needs to be returned” to Dell is building in my closet. So he checks again and wouldn’t you know it - he offered me a brand new 3707c LCD TV. With a pinch of luck, their highest end model will last for more than a few days. I know you gremmies are thinking that I still have a big-ger TV from a junk company. I know you’re asking yourselves, “When is he going to learn?”. Never.
Update (8.07): I have since returned the Dell 37 inch TV. Did you know Dell no longer makes TV’s? I’m sure it’s because of people like me. Then again, if you produce shoddy products and charge market rate for them, you’re bound to have dissatisfied customers. The refund was for the original 26 inch LCD TV. Once received, I quickly purchased a 40 inch SONY Bravia.