gremmie.net

This past Friday night - the preternatural 13th - Gremmie’s Noisebucket (was robbed) played a set at the 2007 Jammy Awards. For the uninitiated and unread, the Jammy’s are a battle of the bands for the top 10 bands that belong to the Off Wall Street Jam organization. For the just plain dumb, Off Wall Street Jam is an organization for professionals who seek to play music with like-candidates; a club whose dues are paid for in song. The Bucket played the following four songs: Worldwide Suicide, What Would You Say?, Folosom Prison Blues –> Walk the Line –> Folsom Prison Blues, Corduroy. Met with cheers and a variety of patrons throwing a variety of undergarments on stage, we spread our toes through the proverbial bucket of rain, blistering through 20 minutes of rock. I was hit in the face with a bra during the bridge of Corduroy; evidently the line “Take my hand, not my picture.” was mistook by the culprit as “Take my hand, and my TIT-ure.” What’s a titure? Apparently to some gremmies it’s a size D bra. Too bad I’m more of an ass guy than a boob guy as I would have otherwise been in a melony heaven replete with hammock strung by Victoria Secret. By the end of the set I felt like Steven Tyler with all the whispy cottons hanging off my mic stand. But I digress.

We were ropbbed. By midnight, all the bands had finished playing and the MC, Greg Raybin, was preparing to announce the awards. He wore a decidely ‘rental’ tux while sporting a mowhawk. The categories were judged by the like of four individuals who hailed from different walks of the musical spectrum. One worked for a small label, another an exec at XYZ Instrument Maker & Co. but may as well have been ACME Co. because when all the awards were finally announced it felt like I was in a cartoon. Down comes the 1 ton anvil. BEEP! BEEP! ZIP! DANG! To my utter shock, we didn’t win any category. The big winners turned out to be - surprise! - the Beatles tribute band and the Pink Floyd tribute band. In the words of Donnie from Turtles I, “Too cliche.” Sure they were good, with their harmonies and - yawn! - mix of songs. But we’ve heard it all before. Done to death.

Can a tie be good news? If so, the only bits that came out of the evening were that yours truly was tied for first as Best Male Vocalist (according to un-named sources there was a three way tie and in a rush to pick one at the end of the night they went with the Beatles guy) and the Bucket came in second as best cover band. Sadly the only prize you get for second place is a posthumous pat on the back. Yes, “posthumous” as I died a little inside not hearing the Bucket announced as the winner. Shaky-cam pictures are here by Plums.