gremmie.net

Tuesday, November 30, 2004 Posted: 2:53 AM EST (0753 GMT)

KENT, Washington (AP) — A man who placed a lava lamp on a hot stovetop was killed when it exploded and sent a shard of glass into his heart, police said.

Philip Quinn, 24, was found dead in his trailer home Sunday night by his parents.

“Why on earth he was heating a lava lamp on the stove, we don’t know,” Kent Police spokesman Paul Petersen said Monday.

After the lamp exploded, Quinn apparently stumbled into his bedroom, where he died Sunday afternoon, authorities said.

Police found no evidence of drug or alcohol use. However, a small, empty bottle of idiot pills was found by his bedside - police refused further comment until a full investigation could be completed.

I have a good friend named Harlan. ‘H’, as I refer to him. We met during my second year at UAlbany in a Creative Writing class that taught neither how to be creative nor how to write(these ‘unteach’ properties would become maxims throughout the tender of college). From the day I met Harlan, he had a hairdo whose only rival in length was Rapunzel - the tramp with the blonde hair and the brambles. His hair was of the Norse persuasion - fertile and Samsonesque, and he had the Meade in his fridge to prove it. Topping out at well over a foot in length, H finally decided to cut it this past friday to a length and style that is a healthy mix of Bruce Campbell and Elvis. Below is a picture of the redesigned H.

As many of you gremmies have undoubtedly noticed, the media section is no longer accessible. Sure you can click on the primary button, but any attempt to actually obtain media has been “Forbidden”. Thanks can be paid directly to my webhosting company superuser.net. With the help of everyone’s favorite *other* Gremmie, Matthew Ammerman I have been instructed on how to get around this abberation using his oft regaled loopholes.

Aside from the homegrown, “Limeys on Limeys”, Tokyo Breakfast was one of the funniest shorts I’d seen during my four years at UAlbany. I have made it available for download on the link below. During the next week or so I plan on re-vamping the media section to include said, “Limeys on Limeys” and a few episodes of The Office and Spaced. I’m sure you haven’t heard of these, but that’s why I’m posting them.

Tokyo Breakfast Pilot (6mins)

Not 20/10 just yet, but no longer 20/400. You read that right, 20/400. Prior to surgery on Friday my vision was terrible. Having worn glasses since the first grade, I am proud to now say that I am at work wearing neither contacts or glasses and am able to see relatively well.

The LASIK procedure was uncomfortable at worst. The picture below illustrates this quite well. The tight suction imposed on your eyeball used to cut a flap off your cornea, and the awkward feeling of having a cold metal placeholder semi-abrasively pressed on your eye is a feeling I will not soon forget. Though I rather would. The surgery was a success and within a week or two I should have nearly perfect vision.

Kudos to you if you know what song the title to this post is from.

I surprised myself today having come to the realization that I have not yet mentioned my scheduled surgical procedure tomorrow. LASIK is an invasive procedure on the eye that corrects the structure of the cornea. You get this for one of two reasons. The first is if you’re eyesight is so bad that you need to press your alarm clock against your corneas just to see if you’re late for work. The second is if you’re Karl Ruprect Kroenen from Hellboy and just happen love surgery. You gremmies probably already know what it is so I’ll spare you anymore details. Needless to say, I plan on throwing my glasses into the Hudson - a few yards from Gremmie HQ - once I arrive home the next day.

I will be posting a review of Half-Life 2 this weekend. I picked the game up yesterday from J&R Computer World on Broadway and managed to squeeze in not only 3 hours of the excellent single player campaign, but nearly 30 rounds of Counterstrike as well. Goof, if he ever gets off his lazy ass, will also be posting a review - though it won’t be nearly as good as mine. So for a good laugh, go there. Otherwise, stay tuned.

That means that - yes, you - you are a sucker. The following webcomic by the sardonic, creative minds over at Penny Arcade accurately describes your typical Halo 2 grunt. But moreso, it illicits the horrified reaction of gamers as they see the masses begin to impede upon their once esoteric nerd grounds of gaming.

If I were clever I could devise something like this; I’m not. Halo 2 is for suckers. Today, the best sequel of the year is released - Half-Life 2. Not to be confused which came first, the chicken or the egg - the original Half-Life was released in October of 1998 and Halo in 2001. Half-Life 2 can be downloaded from Half-Life.com and played once activated through creator Valve’s ‘Steam’ internet service. The addition of an updated version of Counter Strike - the most popular first person shooter EVER just goes to show how strong this package is. So don’t kid yourselves gremmies, pick-up Half-Life 2 and continue your intangible supremacy over the Neanderthal Halo population.